She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
