Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
