yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we're so committed to being not committed
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
