Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
