I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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