are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
