Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
kristin has been a bad kristin
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
