You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
