Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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