if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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