If i come over, it means nothing
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
