My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
