Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
