Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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