i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Can I color on your dick again?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
