Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
