some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
