evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
