When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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