He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
