sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
