after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
