brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
