people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
