don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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