We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
