I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
