Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
