So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
can u get pink eye on your cock?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
