i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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