Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
