There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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