I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
