dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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