y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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