I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
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me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
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Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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