dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
