I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
