He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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