I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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