Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
