help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
