Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You pole danced in your parka.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
