I didn't shave. On purpose
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we're making bets on your personal life
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
