member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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