He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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