decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
