is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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