ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
