smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
God, I missed his penis.
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