Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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