put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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