I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
