just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
