i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
