Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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