So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
