lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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