I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
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I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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