ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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