Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
