The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize