You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
