i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We are two peas in an std pod
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i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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