he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
