I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
