Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
